You really coming over, don't trick.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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