I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
