I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
