now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
