the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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