I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
