did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
