He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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