Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
