I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Please don't give away my fajitas
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
