Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
