My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
