I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
