Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
