I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
