Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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