I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
