Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He passed out mid-signature
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
