she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
