maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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