the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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