Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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