So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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