No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
