I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize