people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need moral support for this bender
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
