sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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