Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a search helicopter?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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