they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
