we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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