my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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