I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
