I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
