Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
