Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dicks are not precious.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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