oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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