Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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