i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wear drunk well.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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