I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
