Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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