he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
