No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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