I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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