so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
