I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
