The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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