I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize