Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
