Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
