At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
