And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
