i used baking grease as lip gloss
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
