Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
