I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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