So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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