Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
