I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
why is half of my head shaved?
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