how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
