Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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