anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
