It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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