he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
