he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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