hell yes lets make some ravioli
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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