I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
