you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize